I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
