I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
