FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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