but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
