Can i not drive my cunt home
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
