Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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