Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
