names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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