the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
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We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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