I'm so fucking centered right now
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
