I cockslap morals
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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