I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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