You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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