i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
