As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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