I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
