You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
