dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
