Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
