Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
