shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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