Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
