remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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