I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
