I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
her facebook's as public as her vagina
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
