There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
