Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
