OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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