I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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