I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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