There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
