I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
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it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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