My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
