I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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