Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
