I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
