I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
