I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
