all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
