There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
