Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
