can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
