y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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