i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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