i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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