so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
