So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
