I wanna bring you to show and tell
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
