and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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