i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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