Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
