Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
worst night to have a conscience
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
