the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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