Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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