she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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