Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
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