I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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