you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
