dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
