i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
