sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
