Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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