Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
