I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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