We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
