is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
