I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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