Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
