Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
