Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
