he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
